This past weekend was very relaxing and restoring. My mom had already planned to be out here for a visit, so it worked out well. She arrived Thursday evening and stayed until Tuesday morning. We went to the museum (at Leland's request of course), the zoo, went to eat, etc. Leland was in a really good mood all weekend, it was nice. He was very excited about his "pappy" being here and cried when we dropped her off at the airport. This is what he is calling my mom instead of Grandma Patty. It is funny how kids make up their own names for people. Our really good friend Heather is called "Nigh" for whatever reasons.
I also read Signs of Life : A Memoir by Natalie Taylor. It was what I needed this weekend. The book is about Natalie's life the year after her husband dies. She was five months pregnant when her husband dies. So she goes on being a single mother and dealing with her grief. It helped me. I can be sad but I know life will continue, Leland will still need me and I will be okay. I am upset but I don't feel like a lost a child. I have a child and he is still here thankfully. To me I am just not pregnant anymore, somehow the last two months just almost didn't happen.
I am most upset about the future changing. This year at Christmas there won't be a newborn to snuggle with and pass around, it will still just be Leland, and that is okay. I just have to mentally get past that, and thankfully it was early enough that not many of these future plans were in my head. Everything was still very vague.
The thing that makes me want to cry the most is how supportive everyone is being. Thinking about what happened doesn't make me want to cry but someone asking me how I am makes me want to break down. Today for some reason I am feeling very close to crying over nothing. I think it might partially be hormones since they can stick around for 4-6 weeks.
There has also been wine. Not very much, but it is nice being able to have a glass with dinner again. That is one perk of not being pregnant. Although I would much rather be pregnant than drink that glass of wine.
Life goes on and I am doing fine.
You seem to be coping well. I think people like us, people who write our feelings, have an innate coping skill that maybe people who don't like to write are missing. It's nice to have a place to let it out. Enjoy that wine!
ReplyDeleteSending you hugs from Kansas. You have been on my mind and glad to have some insight into how you have been. We miss seeing you guys (Anna talks about how much she loves Leland every time we eat frozen blueberries which is about twice weekly) and isn't it someone's 2nd birthday coming up soon?!?!?
ReplyDeleteI am glad that you seem to be dealing with this well, and remember there's nothing wrong with crying some. It's good for the soul and releases endorphins. Enjoy your wine and write out your feelings.
ReplyDelete