Monday, June 27, 2011

Mommy confessions-Fears, Anxiety, Guilt

I have always had irrational fears, anxiety and guilt. I usually just keep it to myself because I know I am being irrational, even if I can't help but feel that way. But with being a mom it is so much worse.

I have constant guilt that I am not doing enough for him. That I an under-stimulating him, or boring him, or sometimes overstimulating him. That I am never doing it right or it will never be enough. And I try to tell myself this is silly, but I can't help but think it everyday.

I have an overwhelming fear that he is going to stop breathing. So much so that I check him constantly when he is sleeping, even if he is sleeping on me or in the Bjorn. This past week baby has been great about falling asleep at night, so that I am able to lay him down in bed for an hour or two before I join him. But by doing that I worry that he is going to stop breathing, so I am constantly checking him .

I also worry that while sleeping there by himself he will wake up in the dark and feel alone. I hate that thought, that he feels alone.

I feel all moms have their own set of irrational fears and these are mine. Crazy as they seem, they haunt me everyday. I just keep telling myself he is happy and healthy, that is all that matters.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

2 months

We went to the two month appointment and the doctor says everything looks good, he is growing well. But he still has that pesky heart murmur.

He had three shots and he cried and cried, it was heart breaking. Usually when he cries or is really upset I do not get upset because I know nothing is wrong and I can soon calm him. But this time something was wrong, and I almost started to cry. He was fine with the first shot but with the next two he was full on screaming crying. Good thing the nurse was quick though, so I could scoop him up and calm him.

He then passed out on the car ride home.

I still cannot believe it has been two months.

His napping is getting a little worse, he keeps just taking cat naps and is getting overtired and cranky by early afternoon. Hopefully we can work on that. But his smiles throughout the day make it all better.
I am looking forward to him holding his head up so we can start using the bumbo, I think he will really like it so he can sit up and see everything.

Friday, June 24, 2011

Many Firsts

While in Missouri little Leo had many firsts.
First Cousins

First Dip in the Pool

First Boat Ride

And he started smiling like crazy

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Dance Video

So while in Kansas City there was lots of cousin time. A couple of days all the Stilley cousins got together at Grammy's and hung out. And Henry was a crazy man with dancing included. So here is a hilarious video of him dancing. There is also another video of him dancing, and Leo going into the pool on my youtube page. And there are lots of pictures on shutterfly.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Toddle Along Tuesday

On our way back from our two week trip, many updates coming soon. And I think baby is worn out from traveling because he has been very cranky all day.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Trip home

Little baby and I are off for a couple of weeks to a full on trip to Missouri. There are many people Leland has yet to meet and it is time to accomplish that, along with our first plane ride (little nervous about that). I am looking forward to seeing everyone and spending some quality time at Table Rock Lake (one of my favorite places to be). So see you later. Or peace as little baby would say.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011


The reason for this post is to talk about little baby's sleeping lately.  It is awful.

Recently I have been really trying to make sure he gets around three-two hours naps a day with usually one other nap that ranges from 30- 60 mins.  By doing this I think it helps when it is time to go to bed.  He sometimes (like last night) likes to take two hours to fully go to bed, yep two hours.  And he is tired, he doesn't want to be awake anymore.  But if you lay him down after you think he is asleep he just opens his eyes and is wide awake.  And we start the rocking and singing process all over again.  But with enough decent naps, this is usually shortened. 

For a while we were getting a good stretch of sleep each night at least one long period, 4-6 hours, and then shorter periods, 2-3 hours.  Which is wonderful because it means I am actually getting decent sleep with dreams and all.  But this past week it is more him waking up every 1-2 hours the entire night.  That means no dreams and a very tired mamma.

Part of me just thinks (hopes) it is this age, since it got worse around 6 weeks and he is 7 weeks today, I am hoping it only last another week before we go back to longer sleeping periods.  And I really think this may be the case because also around 6 weeks he started crying more at bedtime, and with a new cry at that.  A dreadful cry, at first I was worried he was in pain by how it sounded.  But no he just wanted some swaddling and shushing and swaying and rocking, all at once.  

So hopefully this night sleep issue will work itself out soon and then we can work on naptime.  Currently he only sleeps during the day with me holding him or having him in a carrier, it would be nice for him to take a nap in his crib.  But again as soon as I lay him down, no matter how long he has been sleeping he wakes up and doesn't go back to sleep.

And no post is good without a baby picture:

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Crustless Quiche

This again is from the past weekend.  Jeff made some amazing olive bread to go with this meal.  He has been making bread every weekend for about a month and it is so good to have fresh bread.  We have also been trying to make the best of this asparagus season and eating lots.

Mushroom Spinach & Gruyere Crustless Quiche
Yield: 6 wedges

1 6-oz. bag of baby spinach
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 cups chopped mushrooms (1 8-oz. package of mushrooms yields about this much coarsely chopped)
1 garlic clove, minced
Salt and pepper
3 large eggs
1 cup half-and-half
1 cup shredded Gruyere cheese

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Butter a 9-inch pie plate and set aside.
2. Place the spinach in a large skillet, cover, and cook over medium heat until wilted, about 3 minutes. Remove from the heat and spoon into a strainer set over the sink or a bowl. Allow to cool.
3. Using the back of a spoon, press on the spinach to remove most of the moisture, then squeeze it in your hands to remove as much liquid as possible. Move to a cutting board and coarsely chop. Place between two layers of paper towels and press to remove moisture. Set aside.
4. Using the same skillet that you used for the spinach, heat the olive oil over medium heat. Add the mushrooms and cook, stirring until tender, about 5 minutes. Add the garlic and cook for 1 additional minute. Add the spinach and cook, stirring, until any remaining moisture has evaporated, about 2 minutes. Remove from heat. Add a pinch of salt and pepper to taste.
5. In a medium bowl, whisk the eggs until light. Stir in the half and half. Spoon the spinach mixture evenly into buttered pie dish. Sprinkle with the cheese. Pour in the egg mixture.
6. Bake the quiche until puffed and golden brown, about 35 minutes. Serve warm or at room temperature.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

6 weeks

Yesterday Leland turned 6 weeks old, um excuse me?  Where did the time go?
He already has little kid hands, they don't look like little baby hands.

Yesterday was also my 6 week check-up, the midwife said everything looked good.  I also finally got weighed (we don't have a scale at home) and I am back down to 129.  At my first midwife appointment I was 121, so not much more to go until I am back at my normal weight.  But I still need to work on my stomach and thighs, hello sit-ups and lunges.  I feel like there isn't enough time in the day to get to these, but I need to make it happen along with more consistent walking.

Oh and guess what we finally caught on tape!