I have always had irrational fears, anxiety and guilt. I usually just keep it to myself because I know I am being irrational, even if I can't help but feel that way. But with being a mom it is so much worse.
I have constant guilt that I am not doing enough for him. That I an under-stimulating him, or boring him, or sometimes overstimulating him. That I am never doing it right or it will never be enough. And I try to tell myself this is silly, but I can't help but think it everyday.
I have an overwhelming fear that he is going to stop breathing. So much so that I check him constantly when he is sleeping, even if he is sleeping on me or in the Bjorn. This past week baby has been great about falling asleep at night, so that I am able to lay him down in bed for an hour or two before I join him. But by doing that I worry that he is going to stop breathing, so I am constantly checking him .
I also worry that while sleeping there by himself he will wake up in the dark and feel alone. I hate that thought, that he feels alone.
I feel all moms have their own set of irrational fears and these are mine. Crazy as they seem, they haunt me everyday. I just keep telling myself he is happy and healthy, that is all that matters.