My issue with the park

The park and I have a love/hate relationship in my opinion.

It is great that Leland gets to be outside and I get a moment break of constantly entertaining him.

But there is sand involved and I really dislike sand.  Two things I dislike most about nature are sand and wind, which is why I don't care for the beach.

Back to the point, my real issue with the park are the parents.  I don't hover over Leland at the park.  If I am alone I read my book or if not I talk to a friend.

But every time I am at the park there are other moms that are constantly trying to figure out who Leland belongs to.  I know this because they say things out loud asking "Who's kid is this?", "Where is your mommy?", looking around for his parent when he runs past them, and I am just sitting on the bench enjoying myself staring them straight in the face.

I get it, they are just trying to make sure he has an adult with him, but they are so obnoxious about it.  Oh helicopter moms, you kill me.

This recent Huff Post article describes 10 parents you will meet at the park.  Helicopter mom is on the top of the list, another one I avoid is Superior mom and Competitive mom.  I am really bad about talking to parents at the park, because I don't want to find them anymore annoying that  I already do.

So I keep to my book and keep an eye on Leland.

Anyone else have an issue with the park?

Bike Riding and other memories

I love doing something that reminds me of old times.
For example, I have a very fond memory of riding my bike during college on summer nights.  The air is cool and feels great after a hot day, I have most likely had a couple of drinks but I am just happy. The wind hitting my face and the strain in my legs is one of the best feelings.

When the weather is right and I am on my bike, I remember those times and it makes me smile.  When it is a around 60 degrees and the sun is setting while I am riding my bike, my brain feels pure bliss.

There is are other memories that often come to my mind.
- Walking in cow field behind my house, and crossing or wading in the creek.
- Laying in the back of my dad's pickup on a cool summer night searching for a spot to watch the stars

I often think that the reason these particular memories stick with me, is they helped make me the person I am today.  A person that loves the environment and being outside.  I think these moments were the start of my environmentalism, I just didn't know it until I went to college and decided to join the environmental club.

I hope that I can provide the right environment for Leland to have fond memories of his childhood as well.  Memories that will make him realize what life is about or help him define himself later on.  I think we are already on the right path with limited screen time and being outside when the weather is nice.  But I guess we won't know until another 20 years.

The Meaning of Time

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Time has changed since becoming a parent.  I have a hard time understanding time in the constraints we put on it.  A year, a month, a week, a day.  It almost has no meaning.  I feel like 2013 just started, it probably doesn't help that January and February seem to have been misplaced in my brain.  I was having a conversation with someone yesterday and they said something about September and how long ago it was, I was very confused by this thinking that it was currently January.  Meaning September was only three months ago instead of seven.  Only several minutes later I realized it is April, whoa.

Thinking about this time last year (April 2012), it seems lifetimes ago.  At that point Leland wasn't  quite walking or talking and I was still in grad school.

I can't even comprehend that last sentence.

But thinking about my time in grad school itself is logical or placing time in Leland's developments is comprehendible.   The time Leland was a newborn or crawling or walking or talking.  That is much better for my momma brain.  But those stages of time seem very spread out and not following each other sequentially.

Is this just me?  Or do other people/parents have a hard time understand time with children?

Motherhood

I was never one of those people that always wanted to be a mother.  I never had dreams about it when I was younger.  In college there were times that I didn't think I would want children.  I had an aunt and uncle that never had kids and sometimes that life seemed like a good idea.  Needless to say I was still very self involved at the time, but I was 21.  The same aunt told me about a conversation we had when I was still in elementary school.  I asked her if she was going to have kids someday, and she said no.  The conversation turned and somehow I was telling her how I was not going to have kids.  So again, it was never a life long dream of mine as a child.

Then it turned into more of maybe I will have kids some day, we will see.  Jeff seemed okay going either way, which was nice, no pressure.  My only stipulation that if we do have kids I wanted to be done by the age of 30.  But then some time after we moved to Denver I got the urge. I wanted to have a kid.  It was all I could think about.  So away went the birth control and a couple months later we learned I was pregnant.

Now, I couldn't imagine it any other way.  It just feels right to be Leland's mom.  I feel like it was suppose to be my job all along I just didn't know.  I can't imagine going back to a regular job now because I feel this is where I am suppose to be, at home with Leland (especially while he is young).  I also know that our family isn't complete and I am not for sure when it will be, but hopefully in the (near) future we can expand the brood.