sleeping in his crib

I can't remember if I already posted about Leland sleeping in his crib and I am a bit too lazy to check right now, so recap.

For naps and bedtime I use to nurse Leland to sleep in our bed, but then someone smartened up and realized he could get off the bed.  So he stopped nursing to sleep and would crawl off the bed when he was finished nursing.

To win this battle I would just nurse him and then put him in his crib.  Which he was fine with, he went to bed without crying.  

Naps are great, no problemo.

My issue is nighttime.  He use to wake up about an hour after being in the crib and then we would transfer him to our bed at this time.  Or he would wake up around 10 wanting to nurse again, so he would be transitioned to our bed.

This past week he has been sleeping longer in his crib, like 11 or 12 or so.  I am struggling with this.  I should be happy that he is progressing toward sleeping through the night but I don't have an issue with walking up 1-2 times a night.  I am pretty use to it now. 

Also I have to have him nurse for me to fall asleep.  I am a junky for the hormones released while nursing.  I will lie in bed for hours until he wakes up and nurses. 

Also I want him in the bed with me, it feels so empty without him there.  I laid in bed last night crying because he was in his crib sleeping and here I was not able to sleep. 

Why do these babies have to grow up?  It is so not fair. 

I know I crazy for thinking this way.  Most people are excited for their kid sleeping int heir own bed and longer stretches.  But I am not at all.  Why does independence have to sting so much?

So there will be no celebration here when he sleeps through the night in his own crib, just tear stains on my pillow.  (Dramatic I know)