death

Jeff had a previous co-worker that passed away over the weekend.  For some reason it has really caught me off guard.  I didn't even really know him, besides him being my cashier.  Maybe it is because he is my age or maybe because I haven't had to deal with death in a while.

As a kid I went to numerous funerals.  That is what happens when you had a lot of great aunts and uncles.  For a while I had a habit of attaching to who ever would die next.  I don't think it was intentional but that is how it seemed to happen to me.  After going to so many funerals, I associate flowers with dead people.  I am not a fan of flowers.

The worst was when my grandpa died.  I can still imagine that day and his funeral.  It still gets me to cry at any moment. 

I have had a break in the numerous funerals.  I am trying to think about the last one I went to and I believe it was a for a friend that died in Afghanistan.

It is awful seeing people your age die, it makes you realize shit can happen at anytime.

All I want to do is hold Leland tight and never let him go or get hurt.  

Sorry for the depressing post, but I had to get it out so I get past it. It doesn't help that I am already nostalgic about Leland turning one but I am trying to ignore it for now.  I am sure tomorrow will have another sad post because I will have to face the fact that I have a one year old.  Good God.