I really lucked out with this group, I have found a few mom friends that I really like and get along with well. One of the families actually joined us on our hike last week. In fact, I don't think there is a mom in the group that I dislike. I may connect with a few of the moms better but there is no one that I can say I don't like.
(only because this post needs a photo)
But as our babies get older and our parenting styles become more apparent (because let's be honest, the newborn phase is just about surviving and the real parenting doesn't happen until your child becomes mobile) I feel a wedge being developed within the group. I don't know if it is subconscious or conscious, but groups are being formed within the playgroup among mommies that have similar parenting ideas. Co-sleeping vs. crib sleeping, formula vs breastfeeding, baby led weaning vs purees, etc.
And I find it really awkward.
Maybe it is because there was no major fall out, and I like those moms. But whenever I try to talk to them, they tend to shut me out, or shut the conversation down.
Several of the playgroup moms go to the library story time every Thursday, and we always tend to sit in the same area. Today the other group of moms sat on the opposite side of the room. No big deal, it was a bit crowded in there today. But afterwards any effort to start a conversation was shot down.
I join a few mom after the library for coffee and park time, it is a regular get together. A couple of the other moms were in the park today as well, and it is a very small park, and they totally ignored us the whole time. And they came in after us, like walked past us without any notice.
I felt sooooo awkward the whole time.
So I think it is official, the playgroup has disbanded in a way. These moms haven't been attending lately either. Why are they so upset by our parenting? I don't care about their style. I guess this article is true.
But it still bothers me, why do we moms always have to compete? Why can we just get along?
I agree. I run a mom's group and I have struggled in having people leave the group for reasons that I don't get. I think that mom's tend to spend more time with people with similar parenting styles because it makes it more comfortable to have children that behave in a way that you prefer your child to behave however I don't think there is anything wrong with getting to know other mom's and trying to understand how they are raising their children. It's a really tough thing and I really dislike how mom's can be so judgmental of each other. I just talked to a friend about this at the beginning of the week. I think we mom's need to be more supportive of each other because being a mom is a hard job and if we don't have support and feel judged all the time it makes it more difficult. I really try to live that way and not judge others in hopes that the trend my catch on.
ReplyDeleteThis is sad but I hate to say it, it's reality that after a while people tend to group off of larger groups into smaller groups with those they have more stuff in common with; this case unfortunately being their children. I just wish everyone could play like a kindergartener; fair and nice with everyone. I have found the hardest part of being a mom is making other mom friends. I think having "mom friend's" is a really difficult dynamic to understand and get used to and I'm no where close to understanding it. I would agree with Kari when she explained why she thinks this happens but it is unfortunate. As a mom you try to model how you want your kids to behave and I have realized it is really hard to have them around other parents or kids that don't model the same behavior (not necessarily behavior you feel is right or wrong but just different behavior) when they are so young. As our kids get older and are able to talk and understand why other people/adults/kids behave the way they do I think having mom friends may become more easy. I don't know. We will just have to wait and see as our children become older.
ReplyDeleteWhat makes me frustrated about your current situation is sure, break off into your groups but DON'T BE MEAN. They should be talking with you, I am sorry to hear this and that sucks. Hopefully there is still a mom or two you can hang with.
Hang in there!
That is my thing to. I get that I click with other mom's better, but why be so hostile and rude about it? Who is gaining from that. I can take a hint you don't want to be my friend, but can we at least be civil? Our kids may like each other later on, since we all live in the same neighborhood. That will be even more awkward.
DeleteI'm sorry, that really is sad. It is tough when philosophicaldifferences cause that wedge. I don't ahev many mom friends in real life because we just can't seem to get it together, but I try to be mindful that we're all different and not talk too much about parenting philosophies. I find I spend a lot of time biting my tounge but I feel like some of my friends don't extend me the same courtesy.
ReplyDelete