Growing Up

It is suppose to be a good thing that babies grow up, but I am not liking it. I want him to stay my baby that cuddles with me and needs me to go to sleep. On Wednesday morning, I laid Leo down in his crib with his mobile on while I got ready. I was thinking we would go for a walk and he could nap during the walk. Well, when I went back into his room he was so close to falling asleep, I just rubbed his back until he closed his eyes (when all I wanted to do was pick him up and rock him).

This is suppose to be a good thing, I know, but I couldn't help but cry. He is growing up already and learning to sleep on his own. I know I should be celebrating but I would rather have him sleep on me, I would rather rock him to sleep every night (good thing that is still happening), I would rather hold him all the time (but I know this is not good).

Why does growing up have to be so hard?

And the thought of having to leave him for a couple of hours a day once I go back to school is down right scary. Anxiety is starting to creep into my mind. I can't imagine have to spend that much time away from him. I don't know how I am going to handle it.

I mean how can you leave this face?